Having been talking with T about alters behaviour outside session it surprised me today when I got snapped at at work by someone who I really don't like/respect. Although the front was maintained inside there was total panic and chaos leaving me physically shaky and almost revisiting the panic attacks of old.
Not sure why this was a trigger - it wasn't that something was going to go wrong with the work even though I was (sort of) in the wrong as one can always reorganise things and cover over the mess but somehow the criticism of someone whose good opinion I don't seek (don't trust him he is a threat he is divided into parts that are cruel and lie just beneath the surface ready to come out and attack that which is not what he wants) made everyone very upset.
Deep breath.
And also beneath that there is an angry one who says "It's not my fault - you're a jerk". This is true of course but it's not a rational way of doing things.
Need to plug the grown up back in and... drift away.
Not sure why this was a trigger - it wasn't that something was going to go wrong with the work even though I was (sort of) in the wrong as one can always reorganise things and cover over the mess but somehow the criticism of someone whose good opinion I don't seek (don't trust him he is a threat he is divided into parts that are cruel and lie just beneath the surface ready to come out and attack that which is not what he wants) made everyone very upset.
Deep breath.
And also beneath that there is an angry one who says "It's not my fault - you're a jerk". This is true of course but it's not a rational way of doing things.
Need to plug the grown up back in and... drift away.
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