Busy, busy

Today is a day filled with client meetings and busyness. It's fascinating that everything can switch off and be channelled in this direction. It is ironic that this is what is seen as "functional behaviour" by the world at large and yet this is me at my most dysfunctional. I will be presenting to clients for hours and walk away remembering almost nothing of it.

How can people not see?

But who am I to say that this is functional/dysfunctional? How do we know that we are not all acting. Sitting in a room with a group of clients I know that we are all "false fronts" - no one is who they really are. We are all sitting round a meeting table like actors in a play. Half the time we are playing at being grown-ups when at the end of the day we all go home and re-enact our inner child problems on loved ones and f*ck up the next generation of kids.

So am I more lucid than the rest because I see the play for what it is? Because I am the only one who knows that I am hiding the true me - the true "Me"s - am I therefore the most authentic person there?

Sometimes this is like taking a whole lot of drugs and then getting onto a rollercoaster.

Not that I'd know what that would feel like of course.