Can you "make" yourself crazy?

This last weekend was the most out of control the system has been in a long, long time. Sense of unreality increased to whole new level, losing time,"waking up" in strange locations, discovering things that shouldn't have happened if I'd been in charge.

I admit, things have happened to disturb the security... secure items (people) have been removed from the environment and there has been a void in the support system. I don't know how people do this alone. I think the only reason I survived until now intact is having someone in my life who knows all my shit and still loves me. Even if I don't understand it... it's there. Even if not everyone inside knows or understands.. it is there and the feeling of support that comes from there permeates the emotions of the system but equally, when there is a removal of this presence, albeit temporary, the system notes the absence.

No amount of pseudo-support in the form of professional therapists can replace genuine emotion and love.

And now though back from travels, temporarily back but back at least for now a something, better than a nothing but things are still shaky and unstable. Holding together.. just holding. A chink of light in the darkness that soon will be extinguished.

For someone who always hated relying on others to have this much attachment in general is difficult, for the system - almost intolerable.