We have to avoid the family and all the things they want and yet somehow they do not understand why I don't want anything to do with them. Are they all dissociated? Do they really have no idea what went on? Why is it that I have to take full responsibility for this. I will now appear as the bad child for rejecting the family and yet I cannot accept them in my life any more. Their toxicity and the silent denial of that which is never mentioned is too destructive for my system.
On one side I have friends and therapists telling me to bin them. Apparently there is no reason to keep working to fulfil their requirements. On the other I have the family expecting me to play along with birthdays and anniversaries and Christmases and Easters and really - I mean really - not understanding why I do not want to be near any of them.
Do I say, once and for all "I don't want to see any of you ever again"?
I cannot work through the memories in therapy and then happily spend 2 hours on the phone to my mother like she was not an enabler of the perpetrator's abuse.
"Never underestimate the power of denial."
Ricky Fitts. American Beauty 1999.
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sometimes people really need the obvious spelling out to them.
ReplyDeleteI managed to keep a relationship going with my mother even though she was one of the main contributors to my depression - I explained I needed to have a break in contact and then when I was ready I came back - but the boundaries were set out in stone, so far it's working.
Hann x
Hello! Not sure mine understands the concept of boundaries. I could say it's "all or nothing" and the nothing suits me just fine but she doesn't quite understand the concept..
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